If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
