I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
