i don't like sucking hair
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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