Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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