someone threw a dead crab at me
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
