you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
