i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
