my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
