Can Purell be used as lube?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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