if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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