why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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