You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
zippers are such a cool invention
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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