How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
