My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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