I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
