Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
