I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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