Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
