Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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