He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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