It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I understand Curling. That high.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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