just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
