and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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