Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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