college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
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