Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Randomize
