so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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