zippers are such a cool invention
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
