i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
