try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
