So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
