She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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