we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
