He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
