i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
