they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
