tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
