Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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