i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
