I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I need water and some morals
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
