i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
