I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
