new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
