I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
