I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
