Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
ttyl tear gas
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
