I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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