end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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