But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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