I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
