So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I got her a Nickelback box set.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
