I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
