is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
