...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
