when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
